Living and Dying is the same moment I think
Fleur to Johnson: The struggle is gone man. No more, it's so friggin futile, I just can't do anything about it. So I have given up, which is kind of good, kind of bad. I just don't feel like fighting anymore, it's wearing me out. I gotta save my strength for something important, 'cause this is not worth my time. Scratch that Johnson, I'm running. Full speed ahead my matey, full speed ahead! I have been trying to run, instinct told me to run, but I didn't, I held back. But I'm running now.
Johnson to Fleur: Yeah, the struggling, the struggle... you can let go of a lot just by deciding, but sometimes its like watching a movie of yourself as habit... you begin to suspect that you are not the habit, but still it keeps going... until it just wears out. Wears out. Wears Thin. Transparent, but still going... Till it runs out some more, Runs Thin... runs Out of existence... like a car runs out of gas as self-perpetuation. What's left is nothing and everything. Then smiling and breathing feels natural, less contrived. At least I have moments like this. Sometimes whole days or even intermittent weeks. But there's more Wearing Out to do. Seems I have to make friends before letting go. Hating doesn't seem to do any good. Doesn't make it go away any faster. Quite the opposite in fact. Opposition itself has to wear out. Dualistic struggle starts to seem like a game you play with yourself. It Hurts, but sometimes the irony of the situation strikes your spiritual funny bone and you quake with rediculous laughter, but you know you're also crying. It's like being surprised of something you've always known. The irony is infinite.
3 steps forward, 1 or 2 (2 1/2) back
...with loved ones & friends at your side
Johnson to Fleur: Yeah, the struggling, the struggle... you can let go of a lot just by deciding, but sometimes its like watching a movie of yourself as habit... you begin to suspect that you are not the habit, but still it keeps going... until it just wears out. Wears out. Wears Thin. Transparent, but still going... Till it runs out some more, Runs Thin... runs Out of existence... like a car runs out of gas as self-perpetuation. What's left is nothing and everything. Then smiling and breathing feels natural, less contrived. At least I have moments like this. Sometimes whole days or even intermittent weeks. But there's more Wearing Out to do. Seems I have to make friends before letting go. Hating doesn't seem to do any good. Doesn't make it go away any faster. Quite the opposite in fact. Opposition itself has to wear out. Dualistic struggle starts to seem like a game you play with yourself. It Hurts, but sometimes the irony of the situation strikes your spiritual funny bone and you quake with rediculous laughter, but you know you're also crying. It's like being surprised of something you've always known. The irony is infinite.
3 steps forward, 1 or 2 (2 1/2) back
...with loved ones & friends at your side
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Fleur on
I know I know. sometimes the infinite irony kicks me in freakin teeth and i can't help but laugh at how incredibly stunned i am by the whole thing. you help. I'm glad you are here.
I'm still running though.
