Gaps

Correspondence about Gaps. There are cycles of coming back to this."The gaps that help me not think and just be and feel whatever, just let stuff out, or chill, let my own wisdom come, or just have that rest with no other reward except for that rest, that gap. I try to do the things that bring those gaps like walking or running around the lake. Watering my plants. Taking care of my fish and and my cat Thomas. Praying/meditating. I try to avoid things that do the opposite and fail half the time. Does that mean that I succeed half the time? :)..." 

"...Seems for me I have to start with, what is for me, the bottom up. I have to start with success or skill with my intuition and heart and before moving on and applying that to everything else. Looking at it the other way around just depresses me before I even try to start. I cant "make it" and "then" be happy. At least learning to rely on my feelings gives me hope for the 1st time. Its scary but hope is mixed in there. It digs up old pain, but healing is mixed in there. I don't think that it will always give me exactly what I think I want, but at times I do feel Possibility around the horizon or bend or whatever..."